How do you feel when you think about your eventual death?

Death emphasizes our vulnerability. Feeling vulnerable often makes us feel unsafe or exposed. Our natural instinct is to want to guard ourselves-against both thoughts and potential feelings that might come up, especially with this ‘taboo’ subject.

Death, if we have thought about it, is a tough topic for a lot, if not most, people. I think it would be safe to say that ‘fear’ or even ‘denial’ are the first words that come to mind when we think of our eventual death. Tackling this difficult subject, as challenging as it might be, could allow you to have a different perspective.

The more we think, talk and plan about our eventual deaths, perhaps we can ease out words like ‘fear’ and replace them with descriptives like ‘comfort’ or ‘peace of mind’ instead.

Death is not only feasible and possible, it is the end result for every single life journey. Let’s get this straight from the beginning…we are never going to have all the answers. No one knows how much time they have left or how we are going to die-these answers will almost always elude us. 

However, we can gain clarity and find solace in acknowledging that our death will happen some day. Thinking about the choices we have and can make while we are able to do so will help us align with ourselves better and, hopefully, assist us in starting those difficult conversations with those we care about most.

Postponing the inevitable isn’t going to stop it from happening. Gaining clarity and partaking in planning for this event (that none of us can opt out of by the way) is a gift, both to yourself and to others. 

Death definitely has sadness attached to it due to the loss we feel, but it is also a space that holds memories, smiles and celebration. I invite you to change your perspective when thinking about your eventual death. Remove the negative and insert the value instead. It’s an opportunity to not only get to know yourself better and realize what you want, it’s a chance to understand, have conversations and become closer and connected to others as well.

I may be unusual, but my first feeling is curiosity! “What’s next?!” is what comes to mind. My mom’s favorite saying after her diagnosis with leukemia at age 74 was, “It’s all a grand adventure.” To me that’s a reflection of being at peace with the idea of leaving our physical bodies. We all assumed she would live into her 90s like her mother, and it gives me comfort to believe that she wasn’t scared at the end, especially as we didn’t have a chance to say goodbye. I don’t know what comes after, but I’m kind of excited to find out!

Next comes sadness, I admit. The idea of not being physically present with my adult kids, their partners, potential grandchildren, other family members, friends, people I will never get the chance to meet... 

I was with both my parents for the last years of their lives, and it still brings me a sense of comfort. Now I want to fly across the country and hug my daughter, and fly to Taiwan to hug my son and his wife…

Then a bit of relief, in that I won’t have to worry about the latest mess the country/world/planet is experiencing. Being a leader in the field of death work doesn’t mean I can be at peace with the deaths of young children or from war, famine, drought, extreme weather…I’d like to have a bigger perspective on that!

And last, I feel concern, not about the moment of death itself, but more around what will my life leading up to my inevitable death look like? I’ve got my advance directive in place, I’ve talked to family members about my wishes, I eat healthy food and exercise regularly- but there’s no way to predict how life will play out. 

My dad’s loss of independence as he aged pained him greatly - physically, emotionally, and mentally. But I don’t necessarily want to die suddenly, as I’ve experienced not getting to say goodbye. 

So I will tell those I love that I love them, in handwritten letters now, and live as much in the moment as I can knowing that my End of Life planning is in place.

Author: Johanna Munson

Speciality: Family Dynamics, Mind/Body Connection, Personal Organization